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March 10, 2006
Happy Birthday Mr. Norris!
Happy Birthday Chuck Norris
The men of Iota Sigma of the Sigma Chi International Fraternity would like to take the time to recognize the 66th birthday of one of America's finest action heroes turned late night exercise equipment salesman. Born Carlos Ray Norris Jr. on March 10th, 1940, Chuck Norris went on to train with the late Bruce Lee and then released approximately 1,483 first rate action movies. Using only his steely, fear inducing glare and famed Wrangler moose knuckle, Chuck was able to "convince" 76 of the past 78 Best Actor Academy Award winners to forfeit their statuettes to him for his performances. Rumor has it that several shavings from his beard are on special ops mission to retrieve the two final statuettes from Jack Nicholson who has some type of pact with the Devil, God, and Vin Diesel concerning his wins. Nonetheless, Chuck stands as the only man in the universe to:
1.) Speak Braille
2.) Cure Cancer with his tears (too bad he's never cried)
3.) Put "laughter" into "manslaughter"
4.) Clog a toilet while peeing
5.) Refer to himself in the fourth and seventh person
6.) Slam a revolving door
7.) Find the white cross.